Customer Support
1)
Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
2)
Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer : “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
3)
Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support : “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer : “No…”
4)
Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
5)
Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech Support : ##### ***
6)
Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech Support : ******_____# ###
7)
Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”
Customer : “Pentium.”
Tech Support : ////—–+++
Customer : “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Tech Support : ??????
9)Customer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support : ?!%#$
10)
Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support : ??????
11)
Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support : “What does it say?”
Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
Tech Support : @@@@@
12)
Tech Support : “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24
hours.”
Customer : “Is that Eastern time?”
13)
Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”
Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support : “Well?”
Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”
Tech Support : *** —- ++++
14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings
Tech Support to report thathis computer is faulty.
Tech Support : What’s the problem?
Customer : There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech Support : (keep quite)
Tech Support : You’ll need a new power supply.
Customer : No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech Support : Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace
it.
Customer : No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix theproblem! All I need is for you to tell me
the command.
Tech support : 10 minutes later, the
User is still adamant that he is right. The techis frustrated and fed
up.
Tech support : (hush hush)
Tech Support : Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this,
but thereis an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Customer : I knew it!
Tech Support : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
Customer : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech Support : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
Customer : MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech Support : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that
will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
Customer : I need a new power supply.
Tech Support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech Support : (hush hush)
Customer : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech Support : Then what did he say?
Customer : He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with
NOSMOKE!!!!!
15)
Tech Support : I need a product identification number rightnow and may
I help u in finding it out?
Customer : sure
Tech Support : could u left click on start and do u find ‘My
Computer’?
Customer : I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer !!
Posted by purnank 
