Another series of humour on Programming
Some of my favourates,
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes itharder, but
when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
– Bjarne Stroustrup
Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
– Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
"Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time."
– David Gries, in "Compiler Construction for Digital Computers", circa
1969.
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Posted by purnank
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and
pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he
could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to call someone.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone
to cut my lawn."
Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who
cuts your lawn now."
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: (with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep
your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will
have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida."
Woman: No, thank you.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The
store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: "Son… I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit
and would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks,
Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the
job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was
talking to!"
This is what we call "Self Appraisal"
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Posted by purnank
Google and Richard Branson fooled everyone….
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Customer Support
1)
Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
2)
Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer : “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
3)
Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support : “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer : “No…”
4)
Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
5)
Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech Support : ##### ***
6)
Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech Support : ******_____# ###
7)
Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”
Customer : “Pentium.”
Tech Support : ////—–+++
Tech Support : ??????
9)Customer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support : ?!%#$
10)
Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support : ??????
11)
Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support : “What does it say?”
Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
Tech Support : @@@@@
12)
Tech Support : “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24
hours.”
Customer : “Is that Eastern time?”
13)
Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”
Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support : “Well?”
Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”
Tech Support : *** —- ++++
14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings
Tech Support to report thathis computer is faulty.
Tech Support : What’s the problem?
Customer : There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech Support : (keep quite)
Tech Support : You’ll need a new power supply.
Customer : No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech Support : Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace
it.
Customer : No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix theproblem! All I need is for you to tell me
the command.
Tech support : 10 minutes later, the
User is still adamant that he is right. The techis frustrated and fed
up.
Tech support : (hush hush)
Tech Support : Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this,
but thereis an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Customer : I knew it!
Tech Support : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
Customer : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech Support : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
Customer : MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech Support : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that
will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
Customer : I need a new power supply.
Tech Support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech Support : (hush hush)
Customer : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech Support : Then what did he say?
Customer : He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with
NOSMOKE!!!!!
15)
Tech Support : I need a product identification number rightnow and may
I help u in finding it out?
Customer : sure
Tech Support : could u left click on start and do u find ‘My
Computer’?
Customer : I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer !!
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